Last week, we turned our focus inwards to check in with our emotions and how we're feeling them in our bodies. Today we're going to keep our gaze on the outside.
We all look in the mirror on a daily basis. In the morning when we brush our teeth, maybe when we're getting dressed, and when we wash our hands during the day. Often we're just absentmindedly checking just to make sure that we're not a complete mess. Of course, there's the occasional “damn girl, you slay today” moment, but more often than not we focus on the things we dislike about ourselves.
Looking directly at ourselves for extended periods of time might even feel uncomfortable. However, people like Dr. Tara Well have found that practicing gazing at ourselves in the mirror can help us confront our (negative) emotions, boost confidence and improve self-compassion
So today, we'll do just that - look at ourselves closely with a kind and compassionate eye.
The Activity: Draw a live self-portrait
You'll need a small mirror, paper, and pencil (or any other medium of your choice). If you want to use a phone instead of a mirror, that's ok, but please look at yourself live instead of taking a picture. You want to make sure you can establish eye contact with yourself.
Step 1: Set Up
Place your mirror in front of you on the table to when you look up you can see your entire face, and maybe part of your shoulders in it. Keep your paper and pencil in front of you so that you only need to tilt your head up a little to look in the mirror and back down to see your paper.
We want to keep our head movement as small as possible so you can easily go back and forth between our image in the mirror and the one on paper.
Step 2: Self-Portrait
Start drawing what you see in the mirror. This won't be a framed image immortalised on your family picture wall. You don't have to pose. You don't even have to smile.
Start by drawing the rough shapes of your head, ears, chin, and neck. And then the eyes, nose, and mouth. You do not have to do a photorealistic drawing. You can do an easy sketch. Or draw in comic style. But it's important that you don't try to change what you see in the mirror, e.g. hide any flaws.
Step 3: Be kind
While you're drawing, try to notice what thoughts and emotions come up. Are there any parts that you're specifically unhappy with, where you hear a lot of negative self-talk? Other areas that you feel really good about? As the thoughts come up, try to acknowledge them, meet them with kindness, then let them go, and keep focusing on the lines and shapes you're seeing. Continue until you feel you've captured everything you see.
My Example
I started my portrait with the shape of my head, adding the ears and then moving on to the chin, eyes, nose, and mouth. As I was drawing, a lot of the things I feel insecure about came up. I'm turning 40 next year, and my cheeks are slowly succumbing to gravity. And there is no more denying that I have inherited my mom's double-chin-turtle neck, a part I normally try to hide when taking photos by angling my chin a bit up. Instead of dwelling on those thoughts, I tried to get the angles and shades right in this area and then moved on to other parts. I also reminded myself that I should be proud to share a chin with a badass woman such as my mother.
Overall, I'm actually super happy with this drawing. So far I think it's the best self-portrait I've ever done, in terms of it actually looking like me. And I also did really well on creating the bridge and tip of my nose with shades instead of lines, which I've been trying to get better at.
So my final conclusion, both in the mirror and on paper, it's not perfect but I'm pretty happy with it. And I'll remind myself of this the next time I'm too critical of my mirror image.