Do you sometimes lie awake at night thinking about that one stupid thing you said to that one person over five years ago? Or that mistake you made at work that one time? No? Then this prompt is not for you. Move right along.
Ok, so you know what I’m talking about. We regret things we’ve said, we replay scenes in our minds when our behaviour was nothing but absolute cringe, we wish things would have played out a bit differently.
The thing is, we kind of have to deal with it, because we can’t go back to the past to change it. Through hours of research on myself, I can say for sure that turning these scenes around and around in your mind does absolutely nothing.
So today, I want to propose a different strategy to help us let these moments go so that they stop keeping us awake at night.
The Activity: Rewrite a negative moment in your life
Step 1: Choose a moment
This shouldn’t take very long. I’m sure you’re very aware of those times that are still causing you sleepless nights filled with embarrassment and regret.
Step 2: Start the Story
Start writing down what happened. You can try to turn it into a little short story, either from the first or third person. Describe the scene, who are the people there, what is happening?
Step 3: Happy End
Just when things start going south in real life, change the story so that there’s a happy ending. Be creative and make up anything you would have liked to happen. Unicorns and rainbows? Go for it!
Step 4: Put it to rest
Read your story. There, you’ve fixed it! You can now let that story rest. Let it go knowing that somewhere in the multiverse the story ended just like you imagined it.
My Example
I’m going to keep it light for the sake of not burdening you with the cringe and regrets (I’ve had a few…) of my life. Nobody wants to read an alternate story about my ongoing struggles with the tax authorities, no matter how much glitter I had to it.
Instead, I’m choosing an event from my childhood that keeps popping back up in my mind from time to time.
Here is what I think I remember: It was carnival in Germany. I must have been around five years old. We had a special carnival session in my ballet class that evening, and all the kids were asked to come in costume. I was dressed as a lady bug. When I showed up all excited at the usual time, I saw all the kids from my class coming down the stairs from the dance room, getting ready to leave. I had missed it. Because it was a special event, my group was celebrating together with the previous group, so I was supposed to have been there one hour earlier than usual.
I’m not sure where or how that info was lost. In my mind I had forgotten to tell my mother, or maybe to have given her the note. And showing up all dressed up, just as it finished, I felt embarrassed and anxious.
Of course, those are my feelings from back then. Now, as an adult, I know very well that none of that is a big deal.
But none the less, here is the alternative fictional ending:
She walked through the door, lady bug wings hanging heavy on her back. She was wondering what all the other kids were dressed up as. Surely, there would be a princess or two. She looked up the stairs that led to the dance room. Her friends were coming down the stairs, chatting and laughing excitedly.
“Oh no,” she thought. “Why were they going the wrong way? Was she late?” If her feelers had actually been attached to her, they’d be hanging down in anticipated disappointment.
“Hey, you’re here!” her dance teacher called from the top of the stairs. “You’re just in time. We’re about to grab some balloons from the changing room to decorate”
She smiled relieved, and ran over to her friends. They decorated the whole room with balloons of all colours and even more confetti. Then they put on music, jumped around, danced, and ate candy until it was time to go.
She ran down the stairs and out the door to meet her mother, lady bug wings flapping behind her.
The end.
Much better. I hope you enjoy this activity and get to rewrite some of your least favourite moments.
Love, Lorena
Drawing Mandalas for Stress Relief
Check out the full recording of this session here: