We’ve all been there. The shitty moment when a big opportunity slips through our fingers, we get turned down for a job we desperately wanted, or a relationship ends that we were sure would last through the ages.
In those moments, the vision of our future that we’ve held in our minds crumbles away like a snowball in a dirty puddle. We have to let go of what we’ve been working towards and all the great things we’ve imagined ourselves having and doing.
It’s often difficult to stay positive when the crap hits the fan like that, but it turns out that optimism can be learned. If we look back at some of those key moments in our lives, we often find that something good came out of it in the end. Even when we thought everything would surely be horrible from now until forever.
Keeping in mind those better-than-expected outcomes, those silver linings, those lotuses growing out of the mud, can help us keep a positive outlook on life, even while the universe is rocking our boat.
The Activity: When one door closed, which door opened?
You can do this exercise in any medium you like, and here’s the perfect Elton song to go along with it.
Step 1: Closing Door
Take a piece of paper (or a canvas if you’re painting), and draw a line down the middle, so that you have two areas to draw in.
Try to think about an event in your life that felt like a door was closing on you. A job you didn’t get, your best friend moving away, the book deal you could almost grasp between your fingers.
Draw an image that represents this door, either the event itself, or the things you had already imaged in your life that never came to pass.
Step 2: Door opening
Now think about what happened afterwards. After the period of sadness, anger or grief, when life resumed its course. What were some positive moments that were possible to happen, only because this first door closed?
Maybe because your best friend moved away, you got to visit new and exciting places with them that you would have never seen otherwise? Or you didn’t get that book deal, but you ended up successfully self-publishing your book anyway? Or you went through some tough times, bur are now smarter and stronger because of it.
Draw an image that represents those “because A didn’t happen, I was able to B” things in your life.
Step 3: Reflect
Think about how your positive outcome came to pass. What were the actions you took? Which people were there to make it happen for you?
And most importantly, which mindset can you take with you into future “door closing” moments to keep a positive outlook in the midst of a momentary shit-nado?
My Example
Relationships ending, job moves not going how I wanted them to, personal drama, there’s definitely material to choose from here. But since we’re talking about art, I was reminded of a door that closed on me when I was 16.
I was spending an exchange year close to Vancouver in Canada. I massively enjoyed the fact that for a whole year I was able to have art classes daily, instead of just once a week like back home in Germany. In that year I was creating more art than ever, and I felt that I was actually getting better, too.
My teacher was great at coaching and motivating me. Towards the end of my year there, she asked whether I had considered applying to the local art school - Emily Carr University of Art and Design - after high school. She thought I’d stand a good chance of getting, and said she’d be happy to write me a recommendation.
I was over the moon excited by the idea. Staying in Canada. Art school. Emily Carr (pictured on the left is a sketch of one of her painting).
After a little bit of research, however, I realised that I didn’t meet the criteria to get the appropriate visa or funding. I don’t remember all the details, but I think at the time of my return flight, I was just a week or two shy of having been in the country for a year, which was the main reason why I wasn’t eligible.
So instead of becoming a famous artist in Canada, I finished my school in Germany, and went on to live in many other great cities - London, Lyon, Gothenburg (all pictured on the right) - meet so so many wonderful people, including my husband, adopt our dog, have our daughter. Literally my entire life as I know and love it, only happened because the door of Emily Carr closed on me when I was 16. And, of course, looking back I’m glad it did. Even though sometimes I still wonder…
I hope you enjoy this activity, and that you find your own lotus in the mud.
Love, Lorena