We are our own worst critics. If we spoke to other people like we speak to ourselves, nobody would want to be around us. Of course, nobody is perfect, neither are we. But we are much better at forgiving others for their shortcomings than our own.
Constant negative self-talk slowly but surely grinds away at our self-confidence and our mental well-being. If you keep talking trash about yourself, you’ll end up feeling like trash. And nobody wants that.
So today, we’ll do a little exercise in self-compassion to learn to be (at least) as kind to ourselves as we are to our friends.
The Activity: The Triangle
You can use any medium you like. While I was drawing this, I was listening to classical music flashmobs which is always a massive mood booster:
Step 0: Triangle
Draw a triangle in the middle of your page, so that you have space to draw something on each side of it.
Side 1: Your inner critic
Think about all the things you criticise yourself for on a regular basis. What do you think you fall short on? Maybe it’s small things, like not getting on top of keeping your house clean. Or it’s bigger things, like you’re unhappy with where you are in your life on a personal or professional level.
On the first side of the triangle, draw little doodles that represent the things your inner critic can’t shut up about.
Side 2: How does that feel?
Now reflect on how that criticism makes you feel. When you think of all the shortcomings you doodled about before, how does that change how you see yourself?
On the second side of the triangle, draw doodles that represent how your inner critic is making you feel. These can be representative, or you can just draw colours or patterns that represent your emotions.
Side 3: What would a friend say
Lastly, think about the person that loves you most in the world. Your parent, spouse, best friend. What would they say about you? Even though you might not believe these things yourself, try some roleplaying and put yourself in the shoes of that person. What are the positive qualities they would point out when asked about you? What would you say about yourself if you were your own best friend?
On the last side of the tri angle, create doodles that represent those positive qualities.
Step 4: Center and reflection
Once you’re done with the three sides, start filling the center of the triangle with colours and/or patterns. Start on the side of the inner critic, move to the side of the emotions, and lastly to the positive side. As you move along think about the effects your inner critic has on you. What are they saying, how is it making you feel, and how you feel when focusing on the positive things.
The next time your inner critic pops up, you can tell them to get lost, because all they are doing is making you feel bad. Then invite your inner best friend to the party, and have a much better time!
My Example
Side 01: My inner critic often tells me that I’m crap at keeping my house clean, pointing at the piles of laundry on the floor. It also says that I don’t talk and visit my family and friends enough. I don’t make enough time for my dog, or for learning Swedish. I waste time watching zit popping videos on YouTube (don’t @ me), instead of doing something to protect the environment.
Side 02: If I listen to my inner critic, she makes me feel small, anxious, and tired. Like there’s fires to put out everywhere, and I’m juggling too many things at once, always running behind, and about to step into a big pile of shit somewhere.
Side 03: If I was talking about myself, like I would about my best friend, I’d probably point out that I’m in fact pretty creative, productive, and smart. I’m strong, and have built a loving home with a wonderful husband, child, and dog, by the ocean, with vegetables (soon to be) growing in the garden. I’m good at making connections, and my Swedish is in fact getting a lot better, thank you very much.
Just doing this exercise makes me feel less anxious and behind on everything. So I’ll try to stick more to the right side of the triangle in the future!
I hope you enjoyed this activity. Have a great week my creative friends!
Love, Lorena
Great video and exercise! I’ve never watched a classical flash mob before. It’s heaven on earth. And I never tried drawing to reveal truth and joy. Excited to do this exercise!