Prompt #44 - Draw your boundaries
Literally...
Saying no to people is extremely difficult for me. Especially when they are asking for help. But unfortunately, I only have limited amounts of energy to go around. So no matter how much of a people pleaser I am, it's important to set boundaries.
If we spread ourselves to thinly by saying yes to everything, then we end up doing nothing with the full dedication it deserves.
Whether it's the way people interact with us, work with us, or talk to us. We need to be able to say no to some things, so that we can give ourselves 100% to the things we want to say yes to.
The Activity: Draw your boundaries
Step 1 - Your borders
Draw the outline of a person on a page, so that there is some space to write inside the line and outside. This doesn't have to be very precise, the shape of a pedestrian light person or a gingerbread man will do.
Step 2 - The Hell-No-Zone
On the outside of the line write down the things you want to start saying no to in the future. Things that take up all your energy, that take a toll on your mental health, that are just not what you need in your life anymore.
Some examples: working on the weekends, your neighbour dropping by unannounced all the time, that one friend who only ever calls you to complain.
Step 3 - The F*** Yah Zone
Saying no to the above, will allow you to say yes more often to other things. On the inside of the line write down the things you want to spend more time and energy on.
Examples: more date nights with your spouse, more alone time, going for walks, a professional project you want to dedicate yourself to.
There is a lot we want to say yes to, so focus on what's most important for you.
Now that you know what is in- and outside of your boundaries, you'll recognise more opportunities to say no in the future. Even though this might seem difficult at first, and you might feel that you're letting people down, in the end it is better for everyone because you can give your all to the people and the actions you do say yes to.
My Example
One area for improving my boundaries is social media. I keep comparing myself to others (why do I not have as many followers as that person), and try to figure out what I'm doing wrong (no bueno for my mood). I also get sucked into brainlessly youtube, when I could be reading a book or creating something. I notice that this increases the more anxious I feel. It's just another unproductive way of trying to tune out the negative emotions. I definitely want less of that, and that's why I'm putting drawing, reading, and meditation inside the boundaries.
I also want to set clearer boundaries for working. I often say yes to a lot of things, but then feel like I don't have time to do anything as well as I want to. So I'll start planning my week better, not scheduling myself so many meetings. Giving more energy to do the things right.
Lastly, I default to taking care of all the bedtimes and cooking at home. Unnecessarily so no less. And while I enjoy the baby cuddles, this leads to me having less time for other things. Mostly because I just pass out. So I'll make myself let my husband take the lead a couple of times a week, so I can spend some time on the “inside the boundaries” stuff.
Let me know how your boundaries are looking. See you next week!
Love, Lorena
ISSUE #3 OF THE MAGAZINE IS OUT NOW
We revisit our recent art prompts, talk about the magic of hobbies, and I'm kicking of an exciting new interview series.
Might actually put this on my cork board and look at it when i'm feeling less good. ^^